The Mirrored Mindset: How Our Thoughts Reflect Our Reality

I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about mindset and perspective lately. Last month my friend and client flew me back to DC to assist with an event that is historically highly stressful. She wanted me to be there so I could help her with her mindset and just be a pinch-hitter and jump in where needed. See the thing about my friend is she’s a total badass but she doesn’t realize it. She spent so much time swimming upstream because of the nature of her business that she hasn’t really had a chance to stop and look around and see what she’s actually created, and yes the picture is absolutely a Field of Dreams reference.

Baseball field

Over the weekend I couldn’t help but feel like there are many times that I wasn’t needed, which is exactly where we needed to be. But in the times that I was needed all I really did was provide a reflection of the truth. There was a discrepancy between what how she thought she was being perceived, and what was actually happening. She had spent so many years believing something that wasn’t actually true. She’s a fantastic leader, she’s earned every single opinion that she has and at the end of the day she’s the one taking the risk and making it all happen. All she really needed was a mirror, she needed someone else to show her what was happening.

Mirror in the cold

I didn’t fix anything, I just showed her what was really happening and that alone was enough to provide space for an incredible mindset shift for her and the huge release of a burden she had been carrying for years. She did that work, that was all her. Even just having me there was a step towards releasing all of those perceptions that just frankly weren’t true. In her position it’s best to have a growth mindset because it will directly impact not just her mental attitude but the opportunities in front of her. All of this got me thinking.

We spend so much time in the women's Business world talking about our feelings and validating our needs, wants and desires. And I get that because ultimately this whole nonsense around imposter syndrome is essentially rooted in white supremacy and the patriarchy so it's no wonder that we have to spend more time being okay with just being.

But the reality is we can talk all day about how we’re enough and how we deserve to be where we are but if we don’t have an accurate impression of what our leadership really looks like and how do we know we’re focusing on the right thing?

What if we are spending all this time looking inward at ourselves when the reality is it’s not us it needs to be fixed, the system is broken. We don’t need to fit in to the patriarchy, we need to burn it down and reconfigure the whole operation. What if we’re spending all this time to be a better leader when we already are? What if everything that we’ve been conditioned to believe is sleeping into the business world, and not by accident I’d like to add.

There is nothing wrong with you.

If you’re a great leader but in your heart you feel like your bossy, or demanding or too much, then are you allowing yourself to really enjoy and appreciate all the amazing things that you’ve done? Is your mindset wrong? Is your mindset lying to you? I bet Carol Dweck has something to say about this, she is the mindset queen, no shade Carol. It will always be a challenge to be honest with yourself but what if you are being too honest, or what if you are wrong.

I think it our core we have to fix some of the things inside of us that are broken but none of that should be a reflection of who we are in business. Let me clarify here, it’s up to us the parts of ourselves that have been broken by other people. Because at the end of the day there’s nothing wrong with any of us, we’re just conditioned in different ways. But when you allow yourself to be seen, truly seen, then maybe you’ll realize that you’re actually pretty awesome and you’re natural born leader.

Sometimes it’s that conversation with a good friend, a rogue text and a time of need, or even reaching out to someone who might technically not be the right person but it sure feels like it. Sometimes seeing what they see can really help everything. Last week I was going through something very difficult and I talked with my good friends and he said I think you just need to be okay with not having a resolution right now. He didn’t tell me that I needed to change how I was thinking, or change my perspective, he just encouraged me to be okay with what is. And man, was that helpful.

People hugging

So if you’re a business owner and you’re struggling with your pricing, or feeling like you need to be nice to terrible clients, are you just don’t feel completely okay with what it is you’re doing for whatever reason just remember that you’re allowed to stop.

You’re allowed to change your mind.

You’re allowed to fire bad clients.

You’re allowed to change your business model

Everything is negotiable, including your perception of self.

Who is your mirror? How do you know you’re really seeing yourself? Are you a good leader, are you a bad leader, how do you know?

Maybe if we had that mirror, that honest and truthful mirror, we would be able to get beyond all of these you are enough conversations and focus on how to make money. Yeah, I said it.

Listen, I’m all for women feeling like they are enough but I’m way more interested in women making a lot more money. The data is there. When we make more money we enrich our entire communities. We enrich our families. We make the world a better place in the data is there to prove it. It is our job to make more money. The world is screwed without us and I am positive of that. Y’all need us, plus we make whole people so y’all really need us, but I digress.

I refuse to feel ashamed for admitting loudly that I want to make a lot of money. There’s nothing shady about it. As women we have been conditioned to think that wanting to make a lot of money somehow makes us less generous, less caring, less of a matriarch. But I say that’s bullshit and I think we should burn that whole system to the ground. Maybe if we spent last time thinking about our feelings and more time thinking about how to make more money we wouldn’t be caught in this endless loop. You can’t read the label from inside the jar and when you’re so focused on yourself you miss everything else that’s around you.

If you need that reminder, if you need that slightly irreverent bird on the other shoulder screaming "fuck that charge double" let me know, I'm really good at that. You are enough, we have established this, now go make some money and let your therapist do the heavy lifting.

Angry bird

Perspective is everything so today I wish you a clean mirror and a clear vision, because with that anything is possible. You owe it to yourself, your family, your community, everyone around you and the universe to be the best leader that you can be.

If you want to spend more time with me to talk about your business and the clarity you are looking for you can book that time here

Until next time, have an awesome week.


Molly Ruland

Molly Ruland

"Listening is the Revolution"

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